This Valentine’s Day Brent took me to Disney on Ice. We had a wonderful time but besides the memories of our first married Valentine’s day, I learned a lesson on love that will last me many years to come. 
You could say I have high expectations. You might have caught that in my holiday decorations. It is all out or nothing. And like any spoiled little girl, this means in gifts, and cards, and flowers. It is all part of the grand celebration that I so lovingly look forward to. 
Now Brent is very good to me and he is well aware of my excitement and expectations. Yet somehow I find it in me to remind him…and remind him…and then remind him one more time. Of course there is nothing wrong with a helpful wife’s reminders. You have a dentist appointment. So and so is coming over for dinner tomorrow. Eat your vegetables. You get the idea. 
But despite my caring reminders (or constant nagging…) Brent best shows love on his own time. Prompted by his own heart. To surprise his beloved wife. 
And though I seem to learn this lesson every holiday, birthday, and anniversary…setting high expectations and being overly demanding, I think this year I am going to let it set in. To remember to be sensitive to my husband’s needs, his stress, his schedule, his way of showing love. So that I can be less selfish, less nagging, more grateful, and more surprised. 
Because thankfully real love is a daily task…though I do love the holidays. :)
Wow. I feel that very same way and have also learned a lot through our 6.5 years of marriage. I am like you and my husband is like Brent. My parents always went over the top for holidays and birthdays, not necessarily always with expensive gifts, but with thoughtful gifts. In time, I too have learned to change my expectations and appreciate that everyone has their own special way of showing love. Thanks for sharing. :)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you are learning. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think men and women have different ways of showing love, and while some people may show their love by giving gifts, others demonstrate love by doing something for someone, physical affection, etc.
I've had to learn the hard way that just because I don't receive 2 huge bouquets of roses, diamond earrings, and a new cashmere sweater doesn't mean that I am not loved or that it wasn't a good Valentines, Birthday, whatever. It takes time.
When kids come, the focus is more on them during holidays anyways...that's what sort of "broke" me of my expectations. :s
This is very true. I'm very lucky the hubs tries really hard to do things for me but even then I have something to nagg about. I have to learn to be more appreciative of all the little, everyday, mundane things he does to show his love. Like if he cleans the kitchen/dishes while I'm bathing the baby and forgets to clean the stove. I should just be grateful that now I only have to do that instead of nagging at him for forgetting. Marriage takes hard, daily work. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I am learning that too. I'm sure if we look at what they do for us EVERY DAY we will see that they are showing their love in so many ways. I have tried to look for that more - and I am seeing it is there all the time. Thanks for the reminder!
ReplyDeleteThis is a REALLY good post, Ashley! Thank you. One thing that has been really good for me is getting one of those little "purse calendars" (99 cents at Half Price Books!) and writing a little something in that tiny square every day that I respect about my husband or that he has done for me or whatever. What a wonderful reminder of the ways that my husband loves me in HIS ways. :) Now, I will say that I decided just to go ahead and outright ask for a little something I wanted for Valentine's this year - those marshmallow peeps that spelled out I heart you. :) I also told my man that honestly, I would rather him spend $ on flowers a couple times in January when it's cold and dreary than buying overpriced flowers ON Valentine's. :) He surprised me with an overnight "in town" at a swank hotel that he got for FREE with airline miles. :) This morning he went to an estate sale looking for something for him but spent time looking around for some little "treasures" I would like and found two things for me. :) Like you said, it's nice to be surprised and sometimes we have to intentionally leave room for that instead of being filled up with our own expectations. Kelly
ReplyDeleteHow cute R U and your hubby?! And how happy the two of you look...Have your read "The Five Love Languages"? (I think that's the name) If not I think you would enjoy it a lot. It addresses the very essence of how we express love and how we in turn receive love...Thanks for stopping by my Blog and lending your support. I appreciate it very much!!
ReplyDeleteThat is a great lesson that I could learn too. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a great lesson. And it's great to remember that God made him to be YOUR husband and so he made him to love you the way you need to be loved. Just like you were MADE for him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this with us. I can only begin to imagine how much this will end up blessing your marriage.
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