Reflections From A Social Media Break

 

In the fall I took about three months off of Instagram. I posted to a private personal account that only had a few friends. I used it to document our son’s weekly and monthly photos. And yet even in that small space I still was left unsatisfied.

Overtime I learned that I have relied too much on the validation of others to feel good about myself. That the years of sharing my ideas, thoughts, home, and whatever else, was done in a way that was fueled by stranger’s feedback. In the beginning years of blogging, it really helped me to cultivate a confidence as it pertained to making a home, prioritizing my marriage, and simply as a creative person. 

It was in befriending like-minded people from around the world that helped me find security in living in a way that felt counter culture. But over time it became something else. An addiction or habit in sharing my life online that slowly shifted how I thought about myself and my creativity. I now needed the approval of others to continue in the security that was first found online. It became a never ending circle of desire for praise.

After three months I came back. I had a different mindset but yet still found myself quickly being sucked in again. I continued to read, journal, and sift through these mixed feelings. And I continued to come back to the same thought. Could I be better without?

What if I took more time off to focus on my heart? To read, move my body, rest, be with my kids, make my house a home, give more time and energy to my marriage, and all the other simple but wonderful basics of life.

 

Is there something better? A quieter life?

I am beginning to believe that I am better off without the constant hum of comparison. And I believe I am not the only one who feels this way. There is no question that we understand that social media can be toxic. Yet it keeps pulling me back.

So I continue to think and step away. Read more, scroll less. Be more present with my family. There is no perfect solution. But instead there is mindfulness. And so I move forward having a better understanding that too much can be unhealthy for me.

 

I still post and keep up with my friends and a few favorite accounts. And as my husband advised me, "just post it!" So I am trying to not overthink it too much. 

 

But I am learning that relationships best bloom outside of my phone. That time with my children is better cultivated when I can give my full attention. And that feeling good about myself is found in daily rhythms of gratitude for the simple things right in front of me.