I would say that one of the biggest things I have learned in my first year of marriage is that I do not have to deal with other people’s drama. I have a long history of being drawn to people who “need” me, always wanting everyone to like me, and taking to heart people’s judgments and opinions. Now that I am married I feel like I have found a new sense of responsibility to myself and my husband. We come first. And in order to protect and grow our marriage it has to be that way. I realize that this sometimes comes across as “mean” to some people but letting people walk all over me is also “mean” as well.
I have found myself continually trying to grow relationships with people who do not have the time or the willingness to make the same effort. I spent time and energy trying to reconcile with difficult people. And then I realized that while I was doing all of this, I was missing out on investing in people that really mattered…like my husband…and people who wanted to have a normal fun healthy friendship with me. 
I have learned to step back. I have learned to let go. I have learned to let it not get to me. In a sense I have learned to put up a wall of protection not letting people take advantage of me and realizing I am allowed to choose who I spend my time with. As a people pleaser this has been hard. But this isn’t high school anymore. I don’t need the drama. I don’t have energy for the drama. Instead I have real relationships that build me up, encourage, and support. So save the drama for your momma.
Photos: People that get me
How have you set boundaries with difficult people in your life?
I don't have time for the drama either! I only give my time and energy to true friends.
ReplyDeleteI haven't, really. :s Good post!!! I have a friend who has been recommending the book "Boundaries" to me. I need to go check it out from the church library. I am also very guilty of pursuing friendships with people who are not willing to put in the time to nurture the friendship.
ReplyDeleteYou are "reading my mail this morning". Exactly what I needed to hear....thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post, I so hear you.
ReplyDeleteI too have had to make some tough boundary lines, but in the end it is worth it for me and for my family.
My husband has also had to do this. And there is something about watching my husband draw those boundary lines that makes me feel really loved by him.
Its a good thing :)
P.S. cute pics with your hubby and your friends!
Love this post! And I'm currently reading the book, Boundaries. It's awesome!
ReplyDeleteI've learned that a lot of times, difficult people do or say something to get a reaction, whether it be positive or negative. I have quite a few difficult people in my life who always seem to want to tell me how I've wronged them in some way. So I try to not react by getting defensive, but instead just calmly nod or something like that.
It throws them off guard and they don't get the reaction they wanted, so they usually let it go. And if people like that persist with their negativity, I find other people to hang out with. I'm like you; I don't have the time for that kind of stuff, especially since that type of person will never be satisfied. And it's not my job to try and make them satisfied.
It's hard for a recovering people pleasure to let stuff go, but it really makes me feel so much better when I do!
Oops, should have said: "recovering people pleaser" :)
ReplyDeletehello ma' sista from another momma! seriously, this post is genius. I had to cut my oldest Sister from my life- she was the quintessential drama queen and my family always replied to her antics with "oh, you know how she is". Well, no more. It's been 2 yrs that I don't speak to her and I don't regret it. Seems harsh but she was too toxic for me, my husband, my family and I can't and won't allow that.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we need to take drastic measures to keep the toxic people at bay.
I am amazed everytime I read your posts, are you sure that we aren't twins or something?
ReplyDeleteWhile I never got involved with drama, I was certainly a people pleaser and I really tried hard to make everyone happy.
And...you're right, as soon as I got married, I realized that to some extent, other people don't matter. :)
Love reading your blog, it is so encouraging and inspiring!
I use this phrase when my little ones get 'over-dramatic': save the drama for your NANA! (grandma) heehee!
ReplyDeleteAppropriate boundaries are good to have. ;-)
Such a right on post! Thanks for sharing this, it is a great reminder to focus your energy on those that are most important to you! I am still learning how not to be a people pleaser and set those important boundries.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! It's a good "answer" post to mine today.
ReplyDeleteIm getting married on Wednesday so THANKS for the great advice!
ReplyDeleteYou are seriously wise beyond your years. Through the years, I've learned who my real friends are--and there are times I've been quite surprised. Some "friendships" just aren't worth saving and turned out to be toxic due to the drama.
ReplyDeleteAs far as "saving the drama for your mama", I've seriously been tempted to leave that as a status comment on more than one of my FB friend's (or relative's) pages. Whining about things that aren't worth piddly just seems so junior high when coming from grown profession women!
Very good post!
sounds like a great plan of priorities! Putting you happiness and marriage first will make you a WINNER!
ReplyDelete