I shared a few weeks ago about reprioritizing my time. I had realized I was doing too much and neglecting the woman and wife I wanted to be. Over the past few weeks I have had pretty good setting blog boundaries and have chosen to not take as many substitute teaching jobs so that I could be home more...enjoying the things that I love and taking care of my husband and home.
But there was a third thing I talked about in that post. It was another job opportunity. And I said I wasn’t going to follow through with it. Well, I did. And it was rough. I went into the situation with expectations that did not meet the job requirement’s expectations. I stressed over it. Spent time preparing for it. And it only ended up disappointing me…like I had figured it would.
I had right in my hand my life and what I wanted to do with it…but I couldn’t fully embrace it because I had this one thing lingering there.
Long story short the interview went well. I felt confident in my abilities and that I said all the right things. But deep inside I knew this was the last thing I wanted to be spending my time doing.
It lead to some difficult but freeing conversations with my husband, mother, and girlfriends. It was a reminder that I have so much right in front of me and I am wasting it on things that I think “might be.” It is as if I cannot get myself to live the life I have longed for…for years…to be the woman I know I was designed to be…to have time to do things I love…and to be with people…and to be the best support I can be to my husband.
So after days of stress, crying, talking…I think I get it. I realize I talk about this a lot but I think I am still in this process. Allowing myself to be at home. Allowing myself to set my own priorities that are so counter-culture. Not because people or things are trying to stop me…but that I allow myself to get distracted and forget this blessing I have. This life my husband works so hard to provide. A lifestyle we choose to live so that we can enjoy each other, our home, and the time we get to have together.
*Photos from San Francisco birthday day trip last summer. Yes, I was freezing in my skirt.
