I shared a few weeks ago about reprioritizing my time. I had realized I was doing too much and neglecting the woman and wife I wanted to be. Over the past few weeks I have had pretty good setting blog boundaries and have chosen to not take as many substitute teaching jobs so that I could be home more...enjoying the things that I love and taking care of my husband and home.
But there was a third thing I talked about in that post. It was another job opportunity. And I said I wasn’t going to follow through with it. Well, I did. And it was rough. I went into the situation with expectations that did not meet the job requirement’s expectations. I stressed over it. Spent time preparing for it. And it only ended up disappointing me…like I had figured it would.
I had right in my hand my life and what I wanted to do with it…but I couldn’t fully embrace it because I had this one thing lingering there.
Long story short the interview went well. I felt confident in my abilities and that I said all the right things. But deep inside I knew this was the last thing I wanted to be spending my time doing.
It lead to some difficult but freeing conversations with my husband, mother, and girlfriends. It was a reminder that I have so much right in front of me and I am wasting it on things that I think “might be.” It is as if I cannot get myself to live the life I have longed for…for years…to be the woman I know I was designed to be…to have time to do things I love…and to be with people…and to be the best support I can be to my husband.
So after days of stress, crying, talking…I think I get it. I realize I talk about this a lot but I think I am still in this process. Allowing myself to be at home. Allowing myself to set my own priorities that are so counter-culture. Not because people or things are trying to stop me…but that I allow myself to get distracted and forget this blessing I have. This life my husband works so hard to provide. A lifestyle we choose to live so that we can enjoy each other, our home, and the time we get to have together.
*Photos from San Francisco birthday day trip last summer. Yes, I was freezing in my skirt.
Girl, you spoke to me today! Wow…I feel where you are right now :) Thank you for the inspiration…I too get "distracted" when I need to be focusing. So {Thank You}, Ashely ~ you truly have helped me this morning.
ReplyDelete{HUGS}
You know yourself so well. How wonderful that you have friends and family who understand you and are willing to let you know when you're off track. A blessing!
ReplyDeleteBravo you!! I'm currently in sorta the same dilemma, trying to decide whether to go back to work full time and not able to do as much around the house, or part time but not make as much money to save for our house... I'm so envious you've managed to figure out that perfect balance that works for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to go through this, but glad you felt better about it.
ReplyDeleteI love your counter-culture decision! :)
xoxo
Way to go! I struggle with many of the same issues - with two little ones (boys) added - and it becomes overwhelming and tiresome. Good for you for recognizing it so early in your married life and taking charge to live intentionally as you were designed by God to do. Your insight into your needs and what you want to provide for your family is a true blessing from God.
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you and your continued journey!
Blessings,
Heather
I struggle with the same. I agree to things that I might not WANT to do because I feel obligated and am not good at saying NO. My current "job" (working in the children's day out program at our church) is really cutting into my house time of cleaning, cooking, laundry and just being where I want to be! I'm definitely giving it up after this year so I can focus on what I want and where God wants me. I do feel God wanted me in the program this year and it was a learning experience. There should be no guilt about staying home if that's where God wants you!
ReplyDeleteOh Ashley.. you sound so familiar. I too have had this dilemma and to try and do the things God would have me do.. I changed jobs recently and am happy I did.. but of course, I thought I needed a second job because one wasn't enough..(how silly am I???) I too have a wonderful husband who would rather have me home taking care of things and him....Pray, Pray, Pray.. that is all I can tell you to do..If you pray about it God will lead you to peace and to the right decisions...big hugs to you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI always tell you that we are Soul sisters and this post proves again. I have a post coming up this weekend (if my sister is released on Sunday from the Hospital) about this same issue. On the ride from the Hospital my Sister's SIL made a comment about me being at home and if its worth it (????) and blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteTo be home with my kids, taking care of them, my home and husband is much more satisfying than any paycheck.
I like shoes, but not more than I love my family.
GOOD FOR YOU!
Congrats on making the decision that is right for you and your dh. I've told you before and I'll say it again, you are wise beyond your years.
ReplyDeleteI just put my new blog online today :-)
Ashley, I so wish a group of us with the desire to make these sorts of counter cultural choices could sit down together in person and just talk. Talk it out and hear each other and hear ourselves say things out loud and then have the memory of those conversations to re-play through our heads. Not a cure-all by any means as I agree that this is all a process of learning but oh how good it would be in so many ways. Kelly
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