Being Deep.

I was reading a post the other day from Candice of She's Crafty and she shared about how she hasn't had a ton of time to work on projects, and instead she has been investing in her family.  This post prompted me to pour out a long statement on how I was feeling the same way.  As well as the confession I asked myself that morning, "Am I becoming a bitter blogger?"

As I looked back at previous week's blog posts I shared a whole lot of words...words of dealing with discontentment and needing change in my life.  They have all been very positive changes in my life and I can say I am taking the steps I need in order to be a happier more focused person.  But I cannot help but worry that I am draining my blog readers.

And then I tell myself I need to not worry about that.  And that I need to continue to allow my blog to be a place to share and process things.  And if one other person, other than myself, can be encouraged, inspired, or challenged, than that was a successful post!

The less and less I share about my home and projects...the less and less comments I get.  Pageviews are not as high as they were around Valentine's Day...and I cannot help but look over to my right and feel like my followers are permanently stuck never to move up again.

And then I think to myself...am I just blogging for numbers?  Because if I am than I might as well quit now.  That is not fulfilling.  And in order to get those numbers I want I better start neglecting my husband and home because I got a whole lot of projects and internet time to put it.

I don't want that. 

I am getting to a place of contentment in my life. 

And it is a beautiful thing. 

And I don't want the pressures of blogging to keep me from it.

What encourages me most about blogging?  Your heart felt comments.  To hear that something I shared is changing your outlook on something.  I would rather have one real comment than a thousand mediocre "looks nice" comments.

I apologize if it has seemed like the last couple of weeks I have been a debbie downer.  I guess I feel like as I make these changes in my life I have to accept how it changes my blog. 

How it changes the type of people who read. 

And how it changes me.

And it is hard. 

I am learning to be okay with it all, but I am not going to lie and say it doesn't discourage me.

I have always loved to write and have found it as a way to really process and share my feelings.  So for those of you who are willing to stick around, thank you for reading.

I promise there will still be pretty parties, occasional projects, and attempts at beautiful photos...but there will also be words.  Honest and real words...without all the fluff.  

I am reading the book, Celebrations of Discipline, and I loved this quote on desiring more depth in life:

I desire to be an honest and deep person.  And sometimes it is a lot easier for me to type away how I am feeling...to then be able to walk away feeling so much better and relieved for getting something off my chest. 

I think sometimes in real life I hesitate to always be this real with everyone.  And, honestly, I don't think everyone wants to be this real all of the time. 

So I pick and choose wisely who and when to share my deepest thoughts and concerns...all the while freely pouring out my heart to the whole internet world. 

I figure if you are willing to take the time to read this far, you either totally get me and/or deeply care about me.  And for that, I keep on writing...but not for a response.  But for a cleansed spirit and mind to live life as a better me. 

I am so thankful for those of you who are like minded and like spirited to me.  Thank you.  xo


And to lighten the mood a little, a commonly quoted saying in our household, as The Joker would say in The Black Knight, "Why so serious?"