This Spring and time of Lent for me has been very transforming. Not so much because I met all of my Lenten goals, but rather, I learned to breathe some new life into me.
The first few weeks of Lent I was disciplined and excited for change. I started some new habits that got me back to that place I needed to be...more productive and focused.
But then my dad's surgery came around the corner and suddenly all went out the window. The stress, long hours at the hospital, and need to emotionally unwind...I could only do so much.
It was more of a matter of maintaining...getting through it all...doing my best...but allowing myself to let go a little for the sake of dealing with the situation.
The last couple of weeks, I have started to get back in the swing of things again...refocusing for the last few weeks before Easter...but realizing it is okay that it didn't all turn out like I had imagined.
I learned that when life is good...I have no excuse to be the person I need to be. Laziness and distractions are not good enough reasons to let myself do whatever I want.
But when life is hard...it is okay to not follow all of my rules...but to try my best...taking each day at a time...trying to make good choices...but allowing myself to be in the moment, right where I need to be...and know that I will take care of all those other things on my to do list later.
And ultimately, I learned that all of these goals...and especially Lent...was not about me and my self sacrifice...but it was about refocusing my heart...unto the only One who could truly breathe new life into me.
