When I think of married couples I know who have been married for many, many more years than I have, as an outsider, one of the key things that I see in them is a friendship. They are still friends after so many years even after their kids are grown and out of the house.
They still do things together and they both show up together. They show interest in each others lives and hobbies. They act like best buds.
I like to think my husband and I are pretty good friends. But when I look at these couples who have 20+ years on us, I have to ask myself, what am I doing NOW that ensures that my husband and I continue to be friends years from now?
I want to be intentional while we are childless to continue our friendship. When we have kids I want to make time and effort to continue to invest in our friendship. When we are empty nesters I want us to have hobbies to do together and enjoy each others company just like we did when we were dating.
We often plan our lives so we have plenty of down time together based on the stress of my husband's work as well as my introverted homebody-ness. But as I think about it, I see that by creating space in our lives to just be together, provides us opportunity to invest in our friendship.
The thing is, being my husband's friend is not new marriage advice. It is more about being intentional about being my husband's friend. With my other friends I am often more patient, polite, and easy going for the sake of our friendship. But, too often than not, I show impatience, speak rude comments, and am too controlling when it comes to my husband.
I serve my husband by showing interest in his work and hobbies. I serve my husband by using kindness in my voice and words. I serve my husband by doing nice things for him. And in return, I invest in this beautiful friendship that I get to reap the benefits of for years to come.
When we are both committed to this relationship, I have no question we will be husband and wife for our lifetime. But friendship? That commitment is even harder. It is not getting caught up in the mundane and just letting our marriage go. It is in desiring more from our relationship that we are not only husband and wife but also lifetime friends.
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