Brent and I just got back from a lovely six year anniversary trip to Victoria, British Columbia. We had the greatest time exploring this beautiful part of Canada for the first time and I am so grateful for the time together.
But while we were there I got that lovely monthly female reminder that I was not pregnant.
You see, we are in our seventh month of trying to conceive. And while it has kind of been a long time, it also hasn't.
We want to have kids. But we are also really happy just the two of us. We have had the time and life lessons to foster a marriage that is really just enjoyable. We had the best time away and secretly I was glad that we got to fit in one more trip before getting pregnant (we thought Paris might have been the last).
But I am hesitant to share these things. Because honestly it's uncomfortable. I don't want to give off the perception that this is really hard and that everyone should feel sad or sorry for me. While on the other hand, my selfish side says that it might be nice to have a little attention over it and I don't want to feed into that. Either way I am somewhere in the middle.
But I have a great burden on my heart to share my story and I know it would hinder the process of this life season if I didn't. So I am sharing today...reluctantly.
The thing is, in this social media age, things seem to swing in two extreme directions. We are either seeing an overabundance of pregnancy and birth announcements. Or we are afraid to even bring up the topic because so many are struggling with infertility. While I do not want to make light of the joys or sorrows of either side, I want to share my small voice in this overly saturated internet world to say it's okay to be somewhere in between.
It's okay to want something but find contentment in waiting.
I think the thing that scared me the most was the idea that I am completely content with just Brent. When in fact I should be quite overjoyed that I am one of few in a world of failing marriages that could spend the rest of my life with this one man and be completely happy about it. I don't need children to be complete or to feel happy. I am already complete with my husband (and before him I was already complete in Christ).
I am so grateful for my husband and our marriage. Time away together for our anniversary only made our whole relationship sweeter. We are far from dealing with infertility and surely would choose to adopt years down the road if that is where life takes us. But since we are not quite there yet, I want to reflect on the now. I want to enjoy the process of today. I want to scream to women all over the world, you are wonderful and lovely in this current season you are in.
I have spent so much of my life living for the next life season. Waiting for what is just around the corner. For the first time in thirty one years I am being forced to learn to live in the present. And it is one of the greatest life lessons I have learned. Instead of waiting for life to start I am living my present life now.
And for today, it is with Brent. And it is a more beautiful life than I could have ever imagined.
