Over the last few months I have had it on my heart to do less. Physically I really cannot do as much as I could pre-pregnancy. I am often forced to choose rest over productivity which has been a really good discipline for me.
I don't think I was giving off the mentality that I was doing it all. But over the past few weeks, specifically, I have been embracing doing less than the Ashley of the last few years was doing. And it has been a really good change of focus.
Over time as we get more comfortable with our responsibilities, I think there is a temptation to add a little more. Over the years of being/working at home, watching my nephews, and being a wife, I slowly let more things creep in because I had the time or learned to manage my responsibilities where I could fit more in (whether or not I wanted to or should have).
I have caught myself in simple moments lately - being present with my nephews, doing little homemaking luxuries like baking cookies from scratch, taking long slow walks, and at the end of the day wanting to drop everything and just be with my husband. I have learned to put so many other things on hold to be present in the moment instead.
These moments bring back memories of when we first got married and I was relishing in my new role as wife. It was pre-smartphones and at the time we didn't have internet at our house. I kept busy but in a different way than I do now. My time was more intentional and I was less distracted.
While there are hundreds of things I would like to get done, I am finding contentment in letting some of that go. Sure, I want to take advantage of when I have a good amount of energy to be productive. But I expect less of that all day, everyday.
So while some days are more tiring than before and I get discouraged my to do list isn't getting checked off as quickly, I am learning that this time is helping me create a new change of pace. Because when that baby comes, I will be doing even less! I want to embrace this time and learn from it. I want to choose to actually sleep when needed instead of zoning out in front of my phone. I want to create habits that free me from the guilt of thinking I need to do it all the way old Ashley would.
I want to accept my new role that is coming. The new life we will have in this home and within our family. That I will let it take it's course and not expect it to be like it was before. I want to give myself grace and time to find my groove and be okay with letting go of things that were once important before but are no longer top priority.
This doesn't mean not making time for myself or the things that I love, but to embrace this new season of life that I have chosen and wanted for our family. I'm okay with not doing it all. Because instead I get to choose to do what is most important while staying true to what is on my heart.
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