// Today's post is another one hiding in my blog posts drafts. It was written in the Spring but I couldn't get myself to post it. Reading it now I see value in the words. At the time the feelings were just too fresh. I would find myself feeling hopeful, content, and progressing but then a day later I would feel like I hit rock bottom again. I hope to not sound like a broken record - talking about moving over and over again. But this has been a truly challenging time for me and often getting through it comes with sharing through words. So even if these are words from my past, perhaps they will mean something to someone (or myself) now. Thanks for sticking with me through it all!
I have been struggling the last few weeks with figuring out this season of life. Part of me wants to jump back into some of my old passions, hobbies, and habits. While another piece of me feels like some days all I can handle is being a mom and wife.
I think I had a lot of expectations of myself when I would become a mom. If we still lived in California I think I may have succeeded at that a little better. I would have had help from family, social support, and a desire to pick up my old routine. But here in rural Virginia it is much harder.
So instead I have been striving to pick up where my old self left off but only relying on the strength of myself. And I am beginning to realize that this is an unfair expectation.
This season of being a mom for the first time is amazing. It is also exhausting. But it is a season. One that won't last forever and surely one I will want to look back on knowing that I took the time to be as present as I possibly could.
And so today I was reminded that to everything there is a season:
For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.
It is a difficult task but I am going to try to not to be so hard on myself. I will continue to strive to be the best version of myself but with grace and room for imperfection. For me this is a time to be quiet - to reflect, to give to my family, and to allow myself the chance to rest. To find my routine - a mix of old with the new and to not be ashamed of it's simplicity.
I hope that whatever season you are in, that you, too, can find peace in knowing just that. That this is simply a season.
*Taken from Ecclesiastes 3 & some signs of spring popping up around our property!
